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Some Jokes....
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A man went on a business trip to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids. He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player. Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, "What would happen if this does not work?"

The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, "GUARANTEE NO SPOILT".

Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel. He tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel, but it would not even switch on.

He quickly return to the shop and ask for a refund or an exchange for another unit. When the shopkeeper refuses to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of a guarantee.

The shopkeeper then said, "Brother, you are in China. We read from the right to the left."

(Chinese characters are read from right to left)

A pair of whales, a male and his mate were swimming along one day when they came upon a whaling vessel.
M: ''Oh s--t!''
F: ''What is it?''
M: ''That's the ship that killed my father when I was a young whale and took him away!''
F: ''Oh that is f--ked up!''
M: ''Hey listen, I got an idea. Let's surface, suck in all the air that we can and dive down under the boat. Then we'll blow it all out at once and tip it over!''
F: ''OK let's.''
So they both surfaced, sucked in all the air that they could hold, dived down underneath the boat and blew it all out as hard as they could.
Sure enough the boat capsized and all the sailors ended up in the water.
So the two were swimming away and looking back at the men frantically splashing around in the water.
M: ''Haha, that was pretty kool!''
F: ''Yeah, that was kool.''
M: "Hey I got another idea! Let's go back there and eat those motherf--kers!''
F: ''OK look, I agreed to the blowjob, but I'm not swallowing the seamen!''

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

Ah Seng from Toa Payoh went to New York for a holiday. In NY, he went to a money changer and wanted to change his S$ to US$.
Ah Seng : what is exchange rate to sell S$?
Money changer : 1.60
AS : WHAT??? When I was in Singapore, it was only 1.50. How can you charge me 1.60? How can? How can?
Ah Seng went on and on. The money changer became a bit pissed off and said,
MC : FLUCTUATIONS!
AS : OH YEAH!? FCUK YOU ANG MOHS TOO!!