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OFFICE MATE STABBED YOU IN THE BACK
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Though the details are different, the scenario goes something like this. You’re at a meeting, excited about presenting your new ideas to your boss when all of a sudden she says she doesn’t think your plan will work. After feeling stunned for a few minutes, you quickly pull yourself together to, as politely as you can manage, ask why not. Then she gives several explanations, but the one that stands out is when she says your office mate told her that you (choose any of the following) a.) did not do your research properly, b.) crammed your report, thus making it invalid, or c.) made up the figures. Whatever reason your office mate gave doesn’t matter. What you know is she stabbed you in the back to make herself look good.

Is this war?

When you’ve finally recovered from your initial shock, you know you want to either confront the backstabber and scream at her or send out a scathing e-mail about how she betrayed you. Better yet, why not complain about it on Facebook and make it go viral? Right? Wrong. The best thing for you to do at this point is take a breather. If you need to get out of the office for a few minutes, go ahead. If you’re allowed to take an hour-long coffee break, grab it. A bit of space and time will have you seeing straight again, because that’s the only way to deal with something like this.

Get the facts

Psychologist and professor Kathleena dela Rosa says to confirm you heard it right before acting on anything. “Communication is always key. State up front what you heard and ask if he/she really said all those things about you,” she suggests. “But of course, you have to make sure of your sources. No need to be hysterical, though. Just ask if they did say it and what prompted them to do so.”

You don’t have to do it right away. It’s possible that you may need a few days to calm down. But once you feel you’re ready, go for it. Remember to keep an open mind.

Can you stay friends?

“If, after your talk, you still feel comfortable with this person and you really and truly understand where they were coming from when they said things behind your back, then by all means, stay friends,” says dela Rosa. “However, if you feel that during your talk, he/she was lying to you and/or there is no way you can trust that person again, then stay away. Maybe you can be civil, but no need to be ‘chummy’ anymore. You really don't need that kind of additional stress in your life.”

Bring in the experts

Since the incident happened at work, should you bring in your bosses or Human Resources? According to recruitment and career manager Lissa Sumpaico, “If a person feels he's been back stabbed by another employee but his performance or work relationships haven't been affected, then it's all good.” You can go your separate ways without having to cause an office-wide scandal. Your bosses might even thank you for it because that’s one less issue they’ll have to stress over.

However, if your situation is similar to the example above, that’s a different story. Sumpaico says, “If the backstabbing hits the person's performance and they raise it to HR, the labor relations team can do a mediation and come to an agreement that all parties can live with.”

Remember that this isn’t a normal friendship you’re dealing with. Your performance and evaluation may also be affected by what your office mate said about you. Be prepared to fight for your rights and clear your name. If you’ve been a good worker, your boss and HR should be able to see your side and hopefully, that office mate will get just what he or she deserves.